Yes, this post is about T, and it’s about time I get on it!

I finally had my appointment setup to see Dr. Andrew Dott in Atlanta on Oct. 17 at 11AM, for blood work. It took two long weeks for the day to get there and I was super excited to finally drive to Atlanta, walk in the building and get my blood work done. Well it didn’t happen exactly like I was expecting but I can’t complain… it couldn’t have been smoother…

On Sunday evening, the 16th, I drove to Atlanta and stayed with an old friend; in the morning, I drove about 15 minutes to Johnson Ferry Rd, Atlanta where Dr Dott’s office is located. It was very easy ti find; I parked ($5 for 2 hours… not bad for ATL) and walked to his office. I filled out my information (electronically) and quietly waited for my turn. The woman called me in and asked which name I preferred and I told her Neo. I gave her the release for my pap smear (that I took at the Feminist Health Center a few weeks earlier) so that she can fax it to them. I was sent back to the waiting area, then called again by a nurse who took my blood pressure, weight, height, etc. then sent me to Dr. Dott’s office.

I reminded him that I saw him at the Southern Comfort Conference where he talked about “preparing for your hysterectomy” and he asked me if the talk had helped, etc. I’m not sure if that’s how he always works, but he seemed pretty rushed and preoccupied with other things. I spent 5 minutes max in his office and this is pretty much how it went:

- Him: “So what can I do for you today?”

- Me: “I want to get my blood work done.”

- Him: “Okay… how long have you been on testosterone?”

- Me: “Umm… I haven’t started.”

- Him: “Okay, so are you interested in hormone therapy then?”

- Me: “Yes…”

- Him: “Okay, I’m going to write you a prescription…” (while writing the prescription and saying other things I wasn’t paying attention to because I was confused. I thought he was going to do my blood work first, then write a prescription based on my levels, and ask for my therapist’s letter… but I was too confused and excited and more confused at the same time.. to even say anything. Plus he didn’t give a chance to say anything…).

- Him: “Are you doing gender therapy?”

- Me: “Yes…”

- Him: “Okay, just have your therapist fax me a letter… my fax number will be on my business card.” (LOL I wonder what he would have said/done if I had said no. tear up the prescription? Hmmm)

Then we went to another room, he asked me to change my top only (wearing those ugly robes they give you in hospitals), he left and came back with his nurse, did a mammogram and asked the nurse to show me how to self-inject testosterone. I didn’t like the fact that he said “show her how to inject herself” especially due to the fact that he has other FTM patients and is a member of the WPATH (World Professional Association for Transgender Health)but I just let it go. I regret it a little, but it is what it is. I don’t have to see him for another 3 months when he’ll check my blood work again and adjust my prescription.

The nurse was very nice and showed me how to do it myself by injecting in the butt. The needle wasn’t as big as I was fearing and she told me the faster I do it the easier it is, which is true because I didn’t feel a thing. It wasn’t testosterone though, it was some other liquid that didn’t affect anything, just for practice. I just felt a little tingling in my left leg for a few minutes.

I paid $100, then walked to another building to get the blood drawn, then I was off to run the rest of my errands for the day. Overall, I’d say I liked how the day turned out because I have my prescription and whenever I’m ready to get started with T, I can go ahead and do that. First I need to make sure I’m all settled in Atlanta (I’m finally moving!) and I’m still comparing prices. CVS: $98 for 10cc, will last 20 weeks, strohecker’s pharmacy online (compounding pharmacy): $60 including shipping, but not sure if it includes the syringes and everything.

All in all I’m glad I’ve reached that new step in my transition and I hope to get started before my birthday and have my legal name changed before then too :)

Peace!

Neo

Hey guys,

Just thought I’d update my blog a little by talking about the changes that I should be expecting when I start T. Some changes will come sooner and some later but I’m very excited about most of them.

- Deeper voice

- Facial/Body hair growth, more masculine hairline…(let’s just hope I don’t get bald)

- More muscles

- Larger clitoris (yea too much information… my bad)

- No more monthly periods (YAY! bye bye menses!)

- Body fat will shift from hips, thighs and butts to stomach area (time to move from the 6 packs in the fridge to the ones in the gym)

- Acne (I have good skin, so I doubt it haha)

- Increase in red blood cells, change in cholesterol levels, change in body and urine odor, rougher skin

- Increase sex drive (Ya), maybe more energy, bigger appetite and some emotional changes.

One thing I want everyone to know and remember is that I’ll always be the same person within; only my body appearance will change but my personality will not. Maybe slightly because I’ll be a little more confident in my own skin ;)

Oh, by the way, if you haven’t noticed on the “Contact Me” page, I have created a ChipIn account for my legal name change and if you’d like to contribute a dollar or five (or more…), I will totally appreciate it. Every single penny will go a long way!! I’ve decided to change my legal name by my birthday (Dec. 1st) as a birthday gift to myself. So help a brotha out! :D

http://neoftm.chipin.com

Neo

This past weekend I had the opportunity to attend my first ever Southern Comfort Conference (Conference for transgendered people) and I have to say that I’ve been to many conferences in my life and this was by far the best!

Thanks to great people, I had the opportunity to attend the conference at no cost, and that is including the stay. I can’t be any more grateful than I already am; I’ve met great people, new friends and met my future wife (just kidding on that one lol). I seriously recommend it to anyone who’s never attended before. It’s so life-changing that I can’t put it in words.

I attended different workshops and was able to get the complementary lower exam and mammogram from the Feminist Health Center (there was a van to drop off/pick up people from the conference to the Health Center). Everyone at the Health Center was very friendly and respectful. They used the right pronoun, and explained everything before and after.

Attending the conference for 3 days where most of the people are trans and the rest are trans friendly, was like living in a perfect world for a few days. I understand why people go back year after year. It’s like having a big family reunion every year, where we laugh, cry, dance, eat,… together.

I was also able to meet Dr. Andrew Dott; he had a workshop about hysterectomy but he also helps transguys with their HRT, especially now that the Feminist Health Center is not able to do that (temporarily until they find a new medical coordinator). Since I’ve already had my lower exam, I’ll go to him for blood work and get started on T as soon as possible, my goal being by the end of October. For any transguy who doesn’t know where to start as far as HRT, I’d recommend going to him because for $150, he can perform lower exam, blood work and write your prescription to the pharmacy of your choice. He recommends CVS as for around $98 you can get a vial of 10cc (cypionate) that should last you about 10 weeks. Pretty affordable if you ask me.

I’ll keep everyone updated on how it goes with that within the next couple of weeks. In the meantime I’m going to start saving for my next SCC and for my suit and tie for the formal dinner :)

Peace!

Neo

P.S.: I’ve always considered having top surgery before my hysterectomy, and then changing my gender marker on all my documents, but after attending Dr. Dott’s workshop, I am considering changing my gender marker only after hysto (whether or not I have top surgery) because he says that it’s easier to cover a hysto when the insurance company has listed you as female instead of male (for obvious reasons).

A lot of times we get caught up in doing, doing, doing and we forget about being. Life comes so fast that we have to work, study, pay bills, or whatever activity we routinely do, and we forget to actually take a moment and reflect on where we are going. We forget that we are human beings and not human “doings.”

This week, I decided to take one of those breaks; took a breath, meditated, and realized where I was. I was literally at the point in my life where I would either make it or break it. One wrong move and I lost the little “realness” that I had in me (my independence as a human being and my realization of the freedom that I can become whomever I want to be), but one right move, with enough momentum, I was on the other side of the spectrum reflecting on all the steps I had to reach in order to finally grab the prize of my hard work.

But when you reach that time in your life, which many people do, you have a big decision to make which will depend on your will-power and overall inner strength. The reason for that tough decision is you see all the struggles you’ve been through and realize you pretty much have nothing left, you feel alone, abandoned, and you feel like you’ve been here way too many times but things don’t change. It’s easy for anyone to just sit down and give up and let the world control you instead of you controlling your world. It’s easy to talk negatively about yourself and go through life without ambition, go through the motions. But I compare that to running a marathon where you have to jump ten ledges before winning, and giving up at the 8th or 9th one.

“I will persist until I succeed. I was not delivered into this world in defeat, nor does failure run into my veins. I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by my shepherd. I am lion and I refuse to talk, to walk, to sleep with the sheep.” This is one of my favorite paragraph in the third scroll of Og Mandino’s book “The Greatest Salesman In The World.” It doesn’t matter if my bills are backed up, if my cell phone is cut off, or if I can barely put gas in my car; it only matters that I have what it takes to be where I want to be and until I get there, I will keep pushing forward and taking another step.

“To whom much is given, much is expected.” I believe that’s a bible verse and it has been used by many authors throughout the years. Recently I came across an opportunity that could completely change my financial life (in a good way). I thought about it, got excited and “chilled” in the excitement. I got so ‘comfortable’ with the idea of being financially free that I forgot that it takes another step: ACTION. And if you’ve read anything by Anthony Robbins, you’d know that he always says in order to take the right actions you have to make the right decisions. I wasted a lot of time enjoying short term pleasure that could end up in long term financial pain. It took me a few days to literally wake up and realize that if anything is going to change in my life, I am the one who have to make it happen. I have to take the decision to accept short term pain for long term pleasure, and I have to take the actions required in order to make that happen. I did and I am. Bitter sweet to know that I’m in the middle of nowhere with my family all over the world and my dad who has completely rejected me, but knowing that although I can’t change anyone’s feelings, I have the ability to change me, my attitude towards their feelings and my life, is a great relief.

A few things that help me get re-focused are meditation, reading and listening to an empowering audio file (CD, mp3, etc.). Also working out and laughing release endorphins. Today I’m happy to say that I live life on purpose, with a purpose and for something big. Not just to live, die and be forgotten but to make a big impact! And I hope that anyone reading this can make the same decision in their own life.

To your success,

Neo.

*Vocab:

FTM: Female To Male (refers to a transgendered male. A male born in a female body. aka transguy, transmale, etc.)

T: Short for testosterone

HRT: Hormone Replacement Therapy

Gender Dysphoria: Not being comfortable in one’s assigned gender/body

STP Packer: Stand to Pee device

Here is the typical timeline for most of FTMs. Keep in mind that these are optional depending on the person; I’m not generalizing but these are the steps I am/will go through. Some FTMs do these same steps in a different order.

1. Pre-T

• Gender Therapy: Most surgeons and endocrinologists will require that the FTM goes through a few months of gender therapy before starting HRT. For me, I feel that it’s very beneficial because it helps me to deal with different aspects of my life. I intend to keep doing therapy for a while, and not just because it may be a requirement in the future. There are clinics and doctors that will still see you without a therapist’s letter.

• FTM Tools: To help dealing with dysphoria, it helps physically and mentally for many trans people to use certain things that make them feel more comfortable in who they are. The main tools are:

                - Binder: A binder helps you conceal/flatten your chest. I got mine at http://ftm.underworks.com  They have different options but I felt like the model 997 was perfect for me. My chest size is 36C and my chest looks pretty flat when I wear the binder and an undershirt (“wife beater”). With certain clothes and especially T Shirts, you have to double shirts. I’ll post some pictures soon.

               - Packer: Some FTMs prefer to wear a packer in their underwear to feel more comfortable (sometimes with the dysphoria you feel that something is missing down there). There are many types of packer, including STP packers (which I have). I bought a very good one online that has a nipple as receptacle, so it’s soft and doesn’t hurt (check out toolshedtoys for STPs and Tranzwear for jocks or harnesses). It feels much more natural for me to pee standing up.

N.B.: There are better STPs on the market, obviously the more money you have the better you get (the peacock is a good one, reelmagik.com has some realistic ones and check out www.tyron2.net for even more realistic packer that can be used as STP/Pack and Play, etc.)

• Name Change: Virtually everyone already calls me Neo, and it only makes sense to legally change my name on all my documents. I know the whole process in Georgia and I will make a post about it when I go through it.

2. HRT

Like I said earlier, with some doctors/endocrinologists, you are required to do at least one year of gender therapy before starting HRT. In Atlanta there are different resources for HRT, some of them work with your income and go by a sliding scale for those who don’t have insurance. The Feminist Health Center - TransHealth Initiative is one of them. Typically you do a complete physical assessment that include blood work and a lower body exam, a consultation to tell you what to expect during HRT and then they prescribe you your first vial and show you how to inject yourself. There are many types of testosterone (needles, gel, pills, etc.) and typically injections are weekly or bi-weekly.

My plan is to start HRT before the end of 2011 as soon as I hear from the Health Center. I will soon have a post on changes to expect during HRT.

3. Top Surgery

There are many times (mainly two most popular) of chest reconstruction surgeries. I plan to have a double incision with nipple graft with Dr. Charles Garramone in Sunrise, Florida. After a lot of research I am confident that he’s the best surgeon to go to for chest reconstruction. His price tag: $5900 as of Aug. 2011 and he doesn’t take insurance but can refer you to financing sources. His website is http://www.transgenderflorida.com/

4. Legal Documents Gender Change

In Georgia, once you perfect any type of Gender Reassignment surgery (top, bottom, hysto/oopho) you can legally change your gender on your driver’s license and other documents. You will need the surgeon’s letter to attest that you’ve undergone the surgery. Dr. Garramone automatically include a letter to his services.

5. Hysterectomy/Oophorectomy

Removal of uterus and ovaries respectively. It’s very important to do this within the first 5 years of HRT to avoid ovarian or endometrial cancer. There are many types of Hysto/Oopho and I’m not sure which one I’ll choose yet. This will depend on the type of insurance I get at the time, my doctor’s recommendations and my own preferences. I will make a decision when the time is right.

6. Bottom/Genital Reconstruction Surgery

There are 3 main types of bottom surgeries: Metoidioplasty, Centurion and Phalloplasty. I’m not 100% satisfied with any of the results but I’ll make a decision when the time gets close, and hopefully by then there will be new methods/technologies. I know a lot of people who’ve had great results in Europe as well as in the U.S. but the costs are tremendously high!

(Source: neoftm)